Everyone goes through multiple stages of sexual development. What stage are you at?!
Stages described below are not common sexual development stages, which psychoanalysis defines about our childhood, but it’s a more global overview of them, which we all go through during our lives. They do not pass consistently, each of us has its own occupancy and the experience depth of all these stages, which depends on so many factors.
From a technical standpoint, sex is very easy to get — all you need is two adults who know the right way to “rub noses” and other body parts. But do we want to have sex with everyone who just says yes? We definitely don’t.
The most interesting stage for me — when you are turned on even without body contact. At this stage it is essential that you understand and define these fantasies & turn-ons so that, after a while, this dashboard is gradually turned into the flight control platform, so to speak. For real sex, physical interaction is not mandatory — as they say, you don’t need a shuttle to fly into space.
Our own firsthand experiences and those of our peers have shown us that, typically, the development of sexuality and the formation of personal sexual freedoms undergo the following stages:
1. Tasting and experimenting
This stage brings the first experience and the first pleasure. By experimenting with new things, we each start to map out our individual sexuality, continuously complementing it with new fantasies, games, roles and scenarios that we only dream about trying.
2. Learning and sensing our own bodies
In this stage, we each take a better look at our own bodies: we caress every inch to understand what titillates us, excites us, pleases us. This stage never truly ends. We continue finding new nuances in our bodies and our partners. For instance, we may find our left nipple responds to tender caressing, while the right one likes it rough.
3. Understanding our sexual fantasies and practicing sensual experiences
After we learn our own bodies, we burn with the desire to learn and pleasure others’ bodies in correlation with ourselves. We find ourselves to prefer specific bodies, be attracted to individual body parts, or even to a psychological state of our partner. For example, some find sexual attraction in feet; others find that palms, fingers, hair or eyes lure them most. On this stage we can be turned on even without body contact.
4. Making fantasies more refined and integrating them into everyday life
After we understand three crucial things about ourselves — our personal dos and don’ts, the things that ignite our fire and those that fail to, and our limits of norm and decency — we start to fulfill complex fantasies that reach beyond purely physical action.
We begin with simple fantasies that don’t require much preparation or large investments of time and money. Gradually, we work our way up to very challenging ones, such as going to Kit Kat Club (or similar places, whatever tickles your fancy), organizing independent play parties or creating separate realities that run in compliance with rules set by their founders. At this moment, sexuality breaks out beyond the limits of sex and starts manifesting itself in all aspects of life. You never know: submission (in not sexual way directly) to your boss may become just as pleasant as submission to your sexual partner at a play party in Bushwick!
Every time when we really master a stage of sexuality, we free our inner selves and break free of mental restraints.
I was searching for music, which illustrates this partucular stage when you are turned on even without body contact. And here is what I’ve found!
Je t’aime, Moi Non Plus Serge Gainsbourg
Donna Summer — Love to love you baby
Write what you think & share your songs that illustrates this stage!
